mood: vexed
music: Ai zai- Fang Da Tong

suddenly i am totally at lost for words, i really hate this personality of gettin jealous so easily, if only things had been simpler, really why did tis kinda thing drag for so many year, okay mayb nt tt many it's been 6 yrs for me, carrying that same feeling......my heart's been smashed for a thousand times, even i can't rmb, it's always the same kind of attitude......only for a few years when we didn't really contact each other, i was able to forget tt terrible feeling, and i had thot i had finally been free from this terrible feeling, but i was wrong, and i only realise after 2 years, tt the feeling had all along been there, just that it's been locked away....if i had the choice, i wished it had been locked forever.......

When i saw all the grad pic, the feelings came back, memories flash like movie films in my head, feelings were reborn again, and seriously you dunno how dissapointed i felt when you said those words, can't believe that i was actually a non-existent to you for 2 years, so wadeva happened during those times meant nth to you i suppose......to me it was really precious......

Where does our relationship stand, i really dunno anymore, just when i thot i was gonna give up, you became nice all of a sudden, changed the nature of course, and finally when i thot i shud treasure it once again, you decided to end everything, seriously sometimes i am so confused with what you are tryin to say, can't you juz be straight forward about everything......

Every now and then, i will subconsciously wait for a phone call that will never come, wait for a message which will nvr come, and as days pass, i get more greedy, seriously i wish this feeling would end soon, maybe someday i might regret nt telling you all these feelings, but i already decided to keep it locked away when the time finally comes.......thanks for everything.......